When you are trying to get pregnant for 1 year, then 2 years, and beyond, it changes you. It changes everyone in a different way, but I think it's safe to say that most of us struggling with infertility for years are also struggling with some form of depression or anxiety. There is a constant cloud over our head, and the obsessive thoughts that are a part of TTC become more pessimistic with time. I feel like the only relief from this pain will be when I finally hold my baby in my arms.
Since I hit the 2 year mark, I have felt like I've been sliding down deeper and deeper into a feeling of hopelessness. I have a day here or there where I feel okay, but most days I'm not. The anxiety from TTC becomes pervasive and everything else that goes wrong in life seems to be exaggerated. So I have a bad day at work, oh ya AND I can't get pregnant. I accidentally over-drafted my checking account, AND I might never have the family I've dreamed of.
This past week was especially rough on me. I had a very stressful week at work, I realized my first Femara cycle was a bust, and I had a hard time keeping my emotions in check. I've finally come to the conclusion that I need a little bit of help to get through this. So tomorrow I will be reaching out to find a counselor to speak with. I also bought some 5-HTP and have started taking it in hopes it will help me feel better. I've heard of several ladies taking it on BBC and figured I would give it a try.
There is nothing wrong with admitting that it's time to get help with the emotional aspect of infertility. We shouldn't have to suffer silently, or suffer without seeking some form of relief. This is a difficult journey for all of us, and whatever you need to do to cope, do it (safely and legally of course!)