Infertility and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Infertility is traumatic.  Fearing the loss of a dream or a perceived future, undergoing medical tests and treatments, or losing a pregnancy can all be devastating and traumatic events.  It can be extremely difficult to move past feelings of hopelessness or sadness that so often accompany a failed cycle or a miscarriage.  We all respond differently to loss or trauma, and some are able to recover very quickly, while others need more time to deal with complicated grief or depression.

I’ve been going to counseling for the past couple of months for anxiety and depression related to infertility and my miscarriage earlier this year.  My therapist mentioned that my symptoms are very similar to those of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). It surprised me, but then again it didn’t. I mean, infertility is awful and life changing. Of course it has impacted my life and changed the way I react to certain situations. I thought I was just depressed, but it’s actually more complicated than that. It got me thinking, why don’t we talk more about infertility and PTSD?

Most of the women I’ve met who are suffering from infertility or pregnancy loss exhibit some of the symptoms of post-traumatic stress, however very few are seeking treatment.  Symptoms include:

Avoidance Behaviors

Trying to avoid thinking or talking about the trauma

Avoiding places, people, or activities that remind you of the trauma

Intrusive Memories

Recurrent or unwanted distressing memories of the traumatic event

Upsetting dreams about the trauma

Hyperarousal, or severe emotional distress or physical reactions to anything that remind you of the trauma

Negative Changes in Mood

Depression or anxiety

Feeling emotionally numb

Lack of interest in activities you once enjoyed

Hopelessness about the future

Changes in Emotional Reactions

Overwhelming guilt or shame

Trouble sleeping

Increases in drinking or use of substances

Irritability or angry outbursts

If you are suffering from any of these symptoms, please seek help.  Infertility is difficult enough as it is, but suffering from moderate to severe depression or post-traumatic stress are reason to pursue treatment for your mental health. We get so focused on what’s going on inside our bodies, that sometimes we forget to care for our emotional and mental well-being.

If you can’t afford counseling, reach out to others who understand what you’re going through.  Join a support group, and practice self-care every day. Check with your employer’s benefits department to see if they offer an Employee Assistance Program (EAP), which often offers free counseling sessions.

You are definitely not alone in feeling this way, and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

For more information:

Mayo Clinic “Post Traumatic Stress Disorder: Symptoms” http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/post-traumatic-stress-disorder/basics/symptoms/con-20022540

Medscape “Examining PTSD as a Complication of Infertility” http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/719243

ReachOut "Post traumatic stress disorder symptoms, treatment and coping strategies"
https://www.reachout.life/ptsd-symptoms-treatment-and-coping-strategies/ 

Getting Help

Getting help...and I don't mean help from an RE. I'm talking about help for the emotional trauma brought on by TTC for any extended period of time. This journey not only drains our bank accounts, but it also drains our sense of well-being. It can be a struggle finding the joy in life when you feel like your purpose is left unfulfilled.

When you are trying to get pregnant for 1 year, then 2 years, and beyond, it changes you. It changes everyone in a different way, but I think it's safe to say that most of us struggling with infertility for years are also struggling with some form of depression or anxiety. There is a constant cloud over our head, and the obsessive thoughts that are a part of TTC become more pessimistic with time. I feel like the only relief from this pain will be when I finally hold my baby in my arms.

Since I hit the 2 year mark, I have felt like I've been sliding down deeper and deeper into a feeling of hopelessness. I have a day here or there where I feel okay, but most days I'm not. The anxiety from TTC becomes pervasive and everything else that goes wrong in life seems to be exaggerated. So I have a bad day at work, oh ya AND I can't get pregnant. I accidentally over-drafted my checking account, AND I might never have the family I've dreamed of.

This past week was especially rough on me. I had a very stressful week at work, I realized my first Femara cycle was a bust, and I had a hard time keeping my emotions in check. I've finally come to the conclusion that I need a little bit of help to get through this. So tomorrow I will be reaching out to find a counselor to speak with. I also bought some 5-HTP and have started taking it in hopes it will help me feel better. I've heard of several ladies taking it on BBC and figured I would give it a try.

There is nothing wrong with admitting that it's time to get help with the emotional aspect of infertility. We shouldn't have to suffer silently, or suffer without seeking some form of relief. This is a difficult journey for all of us, and whatever you need to do to cope, do it (safely and legally of course!)