Sunday, May 12, 2013

Fairness and Mother's Day

For a long time, I thought the world was fair. I believed that everything happened for a reason and that in the end, we will all get what we "deserve". As I grow older I realize that that's not true at all. Bad things happen to good people, and certain stories don't have happy endings.

I really struggle with the issue of fairness in relation to infertility. Women who are in good relationships, waited for the right time, and who would be loving parents often struggle to achieve one of the most basic things the female body was made to do; conceive and sustain a viable pregnancy.

I heard from a girl who's been trying for far longer than I have, and she experienced a miscarriage today. I can't pretend to understand what she's going through right now. Losing a pregnancy, whether at 5 weeks or full-term must be a horribly emotional and traumatizing experience. But for it to happen to someone who has been trying for years to get pregnant and have a child, it's just horrible. It's so unfair and ever since I heard about this I've been really struggling trying to understand why this would happen.

There are women who easily get pregnant who smoke, drink, or do drugs the entire 9 months. Some will physically or emotionally abuse their children. For many of them, they get pregnant over and over again. But for women who have planned for this and want more than anything to love a child, and try for years to conceive, being unable to have the experience of carrying a child within her for 9 months and bringing that baby home from the hospital is just incomprehensible to me. I ask myself, why? How can this be allowed to happen?

I'm sure most women who struggle with infertility have the same questions and struggle with the answers just as I do. This journey is definitely testing my faith. And I don't know if I will ever get the answers I'm looking for.

So this Mother's Day, for all of you who have children, I ask that you hold them tightly in your arms and thank God for the precious gift you've been given. Because there are thousands of women out there that would give anything to have what you have. For those of you who are mothers who have miscarried, I pray that someday you will be reunited with your angel in heaven and that you get your take home baby someday. And for those of us who don't have kids yet, surround yourselves with loved ones today. Give your husband or boyfriend (or furbaby!) a tight hug and try not to give up hope. One day we will get to experience Mother's Day with joy instead of sorrow. One day we will have the sound of little feet and laughter to fill our hearts. But today, it's okay to feel a little broken. Because deep down we are not completely whole. Not yet.

"A mother is not defined by the number of children you can see, but by the LOVE she holds in her heart." - Franchesca Cox

1 comment:

  1. Wow Jess, I understand how you feel. I see that everyday. I know that we have our daughter now, and we are blessed beyond words. I know that not all stories have a happy ending but I know you can make a happy ending for you. I pray that you are able to have a child I pray for that a lot. Even if you aren't able to give birth you will still have the ability to be a parent weather it is thru adoption or some other form. Like your quote said its not a matter of giving birth but having love to give. You and Daniel have so much love to give and you will be able to give it!!!