This Holiday, Do What YOU Want

"Winter Dream" by Alice Popkorn on Flickr

It's the time of year when families celebrate together. There are lots of parties and get-togethers and sometimes it's hard to relax and just enjoy the season. It's supposed to be the most wonderful time. But it can also be the most stressful time for a lot of people, especially those who are struggling with infertility.

For some reason I use Christmas as a TTC target. "Maybe by next Christmas I'll have a baby to celebrate with." The years have come and gone, this is Christmas #4 and still, no little ones in my house. Besides the dogs. So I have that in the back of my mind during the holidays, and it makes me feel sad.

This year I just wasn't in the spirit and we decided to skip out on a lot of the traditional Christmas celebrations. We didn't put up our tree. We didn't send out Christmas cards or buy each other gifts. We just weren't in the mood. Okay, okay, we're Grinches this year. But who cares?

It's okay because we don't always have to do what is expected of us. First and foremost, we should do what makes us feel joyful or content. There is no obligation to spend the holidays being miserable. I'm not miserable this year. In fact, it's been one of the most stress-free holidays I've had in a long time. Because we removed so much of the stress from our lives and we are able to just enjoy being with each other. And I'm very happy with that decision.

So I hope as the long holiday weekend approaches, that you remember to schedule some time to do what makes YOU happy. And if you don't feel up to attending a certain party or family gathering, then don't. If you need a break, then take it. After all, your happiness is what matters most.

Are you skipping out on any holiday festivities this year?

Christmas Update

I hope everyone has had a good Christmas! But to be honest, I'm glad it's over with. I know it is a hard time of year for us "infertiles". It's a very kid-centric holiday. Most of us have younger nieces and nephews to spend the holiday with, and it reminds us of what we're lacking. The sound of little footsteps and laughter as they run through the house, the anticipation for the magical arrival of Santa Clause, and their sweet, joyful faces as they open each present to reveal a new toy or gadget to play with. It's the time of year when it's most transparent what we're missing, and the same images that cause others to feel overjoyed with love and contentment, cause the rest of us to have the distinct feeling of emptiness and doubt. A feeling that sinks to the bottom of our hearts and makes us wonder: how many more holidays will pass where I feel like I'm on the outside looking in?

I think 2013 was an unlucky year for a lot of us. Hopes and dreams still left unfulfilled will need to be rolled over to 2014. But for me, I have a little more hope and I feel like we have slightly better chances next year to finally have our dreams come true.

Yesterday I had my follow up appointment from my November surgery. I had a non-operative hysteroscopy and had the IUD removed. The RN in the room during the procedure turned the monitor towards me so I could see what was going on. After removing the IUD my doctor took a look around with the scope and found no evidence of a septum! I would say I was thrilled but to be honest I was kind of out of it. They gave me 2 Vicodin and a Valium before the procedure so I was nice and relaxed the entire time. I didn't feel much discomfort either, so overall it was a good experience.

After the procedure I was prescribed Provera to take for 5 days to induce a period so I can start over fresh. The timing is kind of perfect; I should get AF right around New Year's and then we can start TTC again!

The only hiccup I can see is if Daniel's surgery wasn't completely successful. We won't know for sure until we have a follow up semen analysis in April. But even if his sperm quality hasn't significantly improved, at least I'll know our chances are better than they've ever been before. I'd feel overjoyed if we finally get our baby next year!

Best of luck to all of you in 2014!!!