Thursday, July 28, 2016

Adoption is Final!

Our adoption of baby A was finalized on July 14, so it’s officially OFFICIAL now!!!  We are so excited for A to finally share our last name.  We still have a few things left to do, such as wait on the new birth certificate naming Daniel and I as her mother and father.  Once we receive that then we’ll be able to order her Social Security Card!  Fun stuff, right?  But hey, it’s exciting for us. We aren’t just legal guardians anymore, we are legit parents!  We were before but now it’s of-fi-shul!!!

Our situation was somewhat unique in that we knew that the adoption would not be contested, so the court hearing was just the last step to finalize everything.  But it still felt great to know that A is ours forever and we are just beyond thrilled!  The judge was kind enough to snap a few pictures with us, which we will add to A’s adoption photo album.

A is almost 4 months old now and she is growing so fast!  She has already started to rollover and is babbling like crazy.  She has started to reach for and hold on to her toys and blankets.  It’s so much fun to watch her grow and I just love being her mom.  I'll try to update the blog more often, but it has been crazy especially since I went back to work at the end of June.  Life is so different now and I will continue to share updates on our little family!

For now I hope you are doing well and are having a great summer!

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

My Adoption Attachment Experience

I've been debating about whether or not I should write this post. I've gone back and forth for a week now. Part of me felt that it's too personal, but the other part of me decided that it's important to share my emotions with you all, even the complex ones.

As our adoption approached, I really didn't know what to expect in regards to the attachment and bonding experience. And you can't really set expectations for that.  It's different for everyone, and I'm sure a lot of it has to do with the age of the child when adopted, and the emotions of the adoptive parents. The attachment process may take longer for one parent, and be immediate for the other. It all varies and a longer attachment period doesn't mean that you've done something wrong or that you won't ever feel attached to that child.

That being said, I will admit that I was worried about this from the very beginning. It was not an immediate attachment for me, as I'm sure it is for many women who give birth to their child. Don't get me wrong, when I first saw Aria, I loved her and felt so happy that she had finally arrived. We did skin to skin for the first hour of her life to help with the bonding process, but that alone did not make me feel "attached" to her.  It took time.

Again, I'm being totally honest here and my experience may be different from yours. When we took Aria home, for the first several weeks I felt like a babysitter. I looked at her and remembered that she was born from another woman, and a big part of me felt like I was just the caretaker of this beautiful little girl.  I didn't feel like her "real" mom.  And part of me still struggles with that label.

However, over the next few weeks I started to get more and more attached to her. She started to recognize me and smile. When I held her, she would hold on to me so tight and pull on my shirt as if she was trying to get as close to me as possible. She would sleep on my chest and I would listen to her breath and make little "ooh" noises. With each day I started to fall more and more in love with her. And it hasn't stopped!

I'm finally to the point where I feel like she is "mine". She is my daughter and my love for her has grown beyond anything I could have imagined. I look at her and my heart melts.  I don't want to be away from her. And I'm so proud to be her mommy.

I'm sure the bonding process will continue for both of us for a while. And again, I'm not sure what to expect, but I will roll with it and as long as we're together, I'm confident everything will be just fine. I know there may be some tough conversations in the future, and I know that I will have to deal with insecurities, but in my heart I know it will be okay. Because I love Aria, and I will do whatever it takes to be the best mommy that I can be for her.

I've included some resources about the attachment and bonding process for adoptive families. As always, if you have any questions feel free to comment below or send me a message via the "Contact Me" feature.

Monday, May 16, 2016

The Other Side

I apologize for taking so long to update you all! It's been a very busy couple of months and I just haven't had the energy to write, until now! Before we get into the update...

I will be discussing my new baby, so if this is a trigger for you, please be warned. There is also a baby picture at the bottom of this post.

A (I'll be using this letter to refer to her for privacy purposes) was born on April 7th at 9:30 p.m. My husband and I were lucky enough to be in the room during the birth and it was a very emotional and amazing experience. Daniel cut the cord and I was the first to hold her. It was so surreal! 

Once I heard her cry for the first time, I just broke down in tears. I felt so much joy and love it was overwhelming. When I held her, I was overcome with the feeling that my journey had led me to exactly where I needed to be, in that moment, holding my daughter for the first time. 

We stayed in a room at the hospital for the first 2 nights, and A stayed in the room with us. On the 3rd day we were released and were able to bring her home!

It's been a whirlwind since then! All of a sudden we are parents to this beautiful little blessing, and I couldn't be happier. After so many years of feeling incomplete and broken, I finally have the missing piece and I'm overwhelmed at times with the unconditional love and expansion of my heart.

A has been doing great and is such a wonderful baby. Yes, we've had some sleepless nights, but I wouldn't trade them for anything. The opportunity to be her mother is worth every challenge.

As far as the adoption process goes, the only thing we have left to do is the court hearing which will take place in July.  At that time, the adoption will be finalized and we will receive a new birth certificate naming Daniel and I as the parents, and A will finally have our last name. :)

I will try to post more regularly, and this blog will grow to be both about adoption and infertility. I hope you will stick with me :)

And finally, I hope you enjoy these pictures!